Photography Ideas and Thoughts(P)

Photography

I have in the last 3 months of doing this art course discovered that I enjoy anticipating the outcome of projects, more than planning the end result... The mono printing and how you have to just make a mark without thinking to much into the end result. waiting and lifting the paper to see what impact the materials and tools have left.... The intended and unexpected.....

 I do have an interest in the dark room however, in this topic we wont get the chance to use or learn about the dark room!



This topic I can say I don't have much interest in.          WHY?

Good Question! Something I have asked myself today and the results were a little shocking and rather deep.



When I think of what I would like to capture the image of the ill and dying comes to mind!



However I can't just walk into hospitals taking photos of this........

Why the dying......THE EYES   I want to see the eyes and capture the life still in them....the fear, horror or the vulnerability, the love and happiness, affection, and life that still is in there!  To really see.

THE WINDOWS TO THE SOUL?

When I look at my own eyes I see emptiness but hope! Does this mean I'm depressed?

I don't feel depressed but I know that inside somewhere deep I'm lacking and have felt that something is missing.... The whole reason I wanted to do this course was because I felt unfulfilled in my working life and that I felt they was something bigger! Something missing

Maybe just determination! But for what?

My dads death had a big impact on me some years back and if I think back to the indignity and look of the man in front of me, it has left scars!  Not scars you can see but other deeper marks....The look in his eyes the swirling worldwind of fear and sorrow and love.....To capture that moment and make it not only seen but to EXIST, as a reminder of the power of living itself.. The vulnerability!!!

I think that as a youngest I was vulnerable and for whatever reason learnt to protect myself in many ways.....Suppressing happiness or trying to avoid confrontation...to control my own world as a way not to get hurt or for bad things to happen.........As an adult we know this can't happen and things do happen that are out of our control.....This is another area I could look at.....The world through a child's eyes.(idea)....

The Surrealism of Salvador Dali or a world as such as Alice's in the fairy tale....Memories and images of a time or no sense of time itself.....





I remember working in a house and at the top of a big dark staircase near the attic....there was an oil painting ....It pictured two or three semi-naked boys in a bedroom of some sort, the image was disturbing for me to look at. Like it was wrong for me to view them so intimately, one boy looked ashamed like he was being made to expose himself on you..His eyes on you..This feeling of humiliation I knew and I felt a sense of understanding..... BUT MORE THAN THAT I wanted to paint in such a way that gave such power to an image to speak out and make the viewer uncomfortable... to give them the sense of guilt or understanding.....



While I'm in no way vain, The fact of being perceived as a pretty young girl has its cost! As a young adult the unwanted attention, or being make to feel less of a person to please someone else insecurity. Not only letting people use you or make you feel less but to actually let them and to continue to keep letting it happen has played a big part in my life. IS BEAUTY ONLY SKIN DEEP.(idea)...... After everything on the inside I do have a good out look of the world and still want to see the good in everyone! Usually finding to be let down and friends who I call friends are not really after all.. However I refuse to change and be eaten up or bitter..But also to adapt and not be so naive...WHAT DOES THIS SAY ABOUT ME? WHAT IS CLOUDED VISION AND CAN I CAPTURE IT.(idea)...

THE WORLD IN ROSE TINTED GLASSES! (idea)



MAYBE THE WORLD THROUGH OR AFTER A GLASS OF RED WINE COULD MAKE AN INTERESTING OUTCOME ALSO (hell who I'm I kidding, ok... a whole bottle)

I'll drink to that