Final piece preparing

Rapid viewpoints ideas and changes have all came down to this?

What have I not thought of for ideas with regards to the end of show/final whatever. Truth is I'm that exhausted by life in regards to family, money and just other stuff that comes along with that. I don't have much to give at this point. But my driving force to be good at painting in the sense I can be proud of something I produce is still there.... My cervical cancer idea lets just say died, in truth I dont think even I was ready to confront my own worldly area yet alone others areas haha.... privates should for me, stay private (unless its for doctors, smears and partners) Instead I decided that what I found myself lacking was in executing and producing works in a painting style I could be proud of. After maybe 2 weeks or so practicing still lives and bloody apples I still feel if I had to write a process or method as to how to paint, I couldn't. I get the basic idea and process but my mind tricks me all the time and the factor of my time makes things tough. So I've got half finished studies everywhere and I mean everywhere.

For my final I thought about a flick through folder of my starting point to where I am now. Trouble being I'm not sure how or if you can see any progress because I myself haven't took the time to view it. Plus I feel my apples are still looking more like tomatoes...

So couple night ago I started the sheep skull. Something I've studied a few times. What I've realised that no matter how well you know something the little things like angle, shade, light and personally ones own mood can have different outcomes. 

Plus I want my own style on things and not just a painting of a skull... This is where I feel I'm going wrong. What I expect and what my hand and head says 

Here at this point I was happy, knowing that I was gonna add stuff to the still life later on.

Next bring back to the stage Croissant (something again I've never done to a finish) I can't help but feel I'm setting myself up to fail. But I need to pass a point in order to continue 

Bloody thing, I begin to realise I'm looking to add finish when what matters is base colour and tone at this point

Next it all when a bit dark :( but I think with a few highlights and touches this can be saved! fingers crossed.

Well tonight I've decided it all very boring. In truth my mind is very clever in ways of connecting shite so what do these things for me represent with regards to the usual old live death still life stuff, I once found myself immersed in? 

Lets see right this second as I write this waffle of a story or connection what we can find. Consciously or unconsciously lets see what happens.....

In the Freudian psychology, the unconscious cannot be directly observed with the conscious mind, but it has its own process and deeply affects conscious thought. 

So starting with the skull as I did in the work, I imagine the idea of the walks with the dog. My happy escape that I often started with a tired mind but by the end had walked many stresses away. Death of a mood or feeling, but also in the fact of living, breathing in the moments.

Crossiant is easy, I ate them nearly everyday at college for a year, hence the fact I;m rounded in the tummy area these days, hell who am I kidding I'm larger everywhere haha.... Leaves me feeling flat which is ironic considering my fullness 

perfume, must be a new relationship coming forward, a gift and hopefully something nice to pull forward

Apple - what still life didn't have an apple

Daffodil symbolic of my late Aunt who I just lost :(

Nathan left the glass of water which I liked... The whole is it half full or empty thing ( the fact that its a quarter full is like my energy and my own feeling of been close to empty.... still enough in the glass(tank) tho :)

 The fig - determination in FIGuring it out

pearls - for a shiny future 

What a lot of piss I guess but that was it, done 5 mins max. Truth is I dont know why or how these things came about but while boring and not very interesting for me they all serve a purpose in the now. For now that matters probably more than ever.

Must keep going .... paint women paint.

was gonna write knock something out..... hell after 3 kids I should be good at that :) 

Laughs a minute