So couple days ago, I dreamt of three relatives who are no longer with me. When I woke up and kinda felt an unease. It was like the visit scrooge had but different. Three family members in one night.
Father - We were in a pub sitting (usual for him) and my step brother and step sister came in with trays of drinks (pints, wine, shots you name it) Their were struggling to carry the load but it came across to me that this was normal for them and accepted. laughed about almost celebrated. This I think relates to my own drinking habits of late... Everytime I drink a wine of two, a switch changes in me and all of a sudden I'm totally drunk.....stupidly drunk! I hate it, I always enjoyed a night out, but lately I just havent been able too. A sign my mental health is effected by alcohol and I should stop drinking for a while. Trouble is I enjoy a glass of wine on a saturday and I feel bored or like something is issing without the odd couple on a saturday. Turns out I can't just do 2 glasses as this leads to the whole bottle.
Acceptance - this came to mind about this situation. The fact that for so long alcohol in my family has been normal and celebrated way of life! My old little village is kinda still of the same mind set. Its wrong and dated and so is my own views with regards to this. Changes and acceptance with the reassurance from myself that I'm on the right track.
Grandad - My grandad was outside his old house (one he lived in over 30 yrs and wanted to keep even tho it was no longer suitable) His cattle horns and belongings were on the grass outside and he was looking for something he had lost. He couldn't find it so we when inside the house and continued to look. I'm still unsure what I was looking for but I had been talking about how he resisted change for so long (regarding house)the very day. Afterwards in a little bungalow he had told us it was the best thing he had ever done.
Change - the changes I find myself in ain't the best but I make good of the little I have. The tools I was given after his passing I'm using now. Wishing he was here to show me the techniques etc he knew. My grandad was part of my good memories and I find comfort to be on the same creative path he once went down. I had no idea how similar we were. On the right path
Aunt - My aunt was in her garden with another man (game keepers or someone) She was wearing high heels and looked glamous for the garden duties. In the hut store thing they were washing a massive fish in a bucket. cleaning it ready for me! I don't like fish lol.
cleaning a fish meaning I had to google for this one - Related to cooking and eating fish, cleaning fish in a dream suggests that you are altering your emotional expression in a way that will be presentable and acceptable to others. The dreamer is censoring him/herself and not expressing how he/she completely feels.
Be myself I guess... Trying to please everyone all the time isn't working for me.
So my past isn't working for me, Ive known that for a long time. I've worked hard at trying to get rid of my demons shall we say! The switch in mindset has been a bitter sweet one and one I'm really just beginning. I want to move forward with the knowledge and power to know that I matter. My own self worth and be able to enjoy life instead of trying to do what others expect from me. It hasn't been me and isn't me. See next blog on communication for a follow up on this and how I told the dream to create a way of communicating my thoughts etc
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