Landscape
While I've been out and about walking in the landscape I've noticed just how happy the outside makes me. Not much can be said about the shape of my mental health with regards to exercise and making time for myself. Xmas has came and been and has no doubt left after effects I'll be paying off into the rest of the year. While family time has been amazing and I feel lucky indeed to have so many happy memories to cherish, holidays can be stressful and knock you off your feet. Another area is the difference in my body. Fatter indeed and well I'm feeling the effects of this also. Lacking motivation in many areas it so easy not to bother.
What is it I've been trying to create with this topic. Truth is I only wanted to create texture and feeling in the moments I've been living. Before I was looking into still-life and wanted to create those works, which thinking about are probably more relevant to this topic than what I'm doing with this subject matter below. I've done research of other artists and the things I like and would like to do. So where do I find myself today?
I'm excited and happy to continue this topic and while it may sound depressing I'm understanding myself more and this is a great thing.
I did a life drawing in pen the other night. Getting fatter has given me a fuller figure which makes more for an interesting viewpoint. I did the drawing looking downwards while lying resting on my bed. It wasn't planned at all and I guess I just liked the look of the pattern the breasts and hands had together. It did indeed remind me of a landscape.
While I did google a vagina for reference instead of looking in a mirror, I do feel the scale is rather large haha Maybe something I may have to consider or review. It not an area I have really looked at before and I'm not sure sitting legs wide open is something I would do.
I did find an old oil can thing while out for a walk. It had a circle in the centre and had thought how much I could use this for a graphic take on an arsehole haha
I've been collecting lots of trash on my walks. I've had ideas of engraving things, collaging things and throwing things into a work. Does the trash I think worth something say something about my thoughts of my own work being enough or worthy. Surely if this trash is of interest to me it must count for something.
But this is painting to a theme not just a free for all. I've painted with soil, filler. grass and paint so I feel in some ways it is still painting. I've ran out of filler the now so not going to do much else today.
Why the open fanny? Well I've been lost with my directional path lately and as a mother, women and hitting 35 I feel that I should have it together by now. I guess I feel vulnerable sometimes and judged. What is more humiliating than feeling exposed and alone. If you think about a vagina it is just a black hole of the unknown but capable of giving life in the right conditions. The landscape is the same as is my learning and growth. I have high expectations of myself and often think the work, ideas and thoughts I have ain't enough! Who set this bar? How can I set the bar so high when I have such low merits and nothing of anything thing to set a bar even at!
Stripped of confidence.
So you judge it for what it is. A fanny, a landscape or something deeper and meaningful. A kind of work that tells me I'm on the a right path and the bigger picture is how much I'm learning. Finding love in the little things and changing the other things slowly to bring about a twist and change on the reality of my life. Reborn maybe not but pieces in a puzzle and in a way a graphic take on yes fucking look at it. So what u dont have to like it or look at it. its for me to put a point across to myself and no-one else. Which I love.
Colours I'm thinking about are pinks blues and pearly creams. skin tones but more so the colours that have in the past gave me an emotion. maybe gold too.
Ceaznne
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