DEM art&design: Final Environment (e)

Well after months of planning the time has came around for my final. God I wished I had planned better for this moment. My sketch book well doesn't exist and many of the things I've done are logged on this blog. The truth is I haven't really done that much as such but the mental journey I've lived has given me the chance to play out the fears of death and the effect cancer has on everyone, fighting it must be so much harder to comprehend and the truth is I hope I never have to. Hope thats a big word when next to the word cancer.

So what started as a, hell I can't even remember now off hand a hard somewhat surreal thing of how my mind was trying to piece together the fact my aunt had cancer. She nearly died a think twice now and yet somehow she's still here with us. Every day a battle no doubt but she hasn't given up. At the time I was thinking about how fragile the body is and how were just a shell after cancer, but now in truth its a chance to grow and figure out what means the most to that person or family. The fight for life that sadly many lose. For the ones who win everything must change. So I think my final now is more towards the re-birth of a person who is winning the battle. Casting a new skin, tougher than the last one. Never to be the same again. I have hope in the unknown for the first time in my life, usually we learn to fear the unknown because it formulates images of us being out of control and our natural respond is it to create order. The unknown can be scary. But what if in order to pass thru to the all knowing bigger picture you need to walk the path of fear. Choice, you can fight it or give up. Giving up is maybe the easy option you'd think! But giving up means acceptance, with this acceptance you take away the fear and without fear comes understanding. That understand I g is a powerful thing. For somebody on deaths door they say they accept death and have no fear right at the end. Having peace or something along those lines. I read the body works behind the scenes of that person to create a pain free and calm mind from what was a troubled battle, then as if by magic they gone. It's the most heartbreaking thing in the world for those left behind. Another one of those life's lessons. After my dads death my world was thrown into fear, panic attacks, anxiety and numbing existing. Life lesson I failed for many years and its only now with understanding and working out that I can honestly say I'm ok with it all. Its kinda tough shit otherwise and if something happens it happens. Leaving go of a power you can't control frees up so much built up pressure.

I did try and hang the body on chicken wire to show the shape of the body and I liked the pattern of the wire which for me kinda linked to the pattern of cells. Something didn't feel right. The skin I feel is better left on the floor and forgotten about. It's no good or of any use to the person anymore. It doesn't exist in the now and is only a memory.

I think it would be lovely to forgot many different memories, the extra baggage of life.