Mother Nature (P/T/a/T)

Mother Nature

Mother Nature (sometimes known as Mother Earth or the Earth-Mother) is a common personification of nature that focuses on the life-giving and nurturing aspects of nature by embodying it, in the form of the mother.

Source - Wikipedia/MotherNature

The word "nature" comes from the Latin word, "natura", meaning birth or character 

For me this makes lots of sense with this birth or character, for years I've been brought up with the ideals of others (peers and general society) I've always been asking questions and trying to fit into the way of the world. The trouble being I was always more than they were ready for. Give me a metre and I'd turn it into a mile. Give me a custom and I'd change it to my own way of doing. Some friends/ family would use this to their own advantage, then afterwards I'd take the blunt of the results. Wind her up and watch her go. The good bad and ugly. Have you ever felt you were suppose to be more than what is expected of you?

For myself, I feel I've stepped out of these so called ways of viewing the world. The out dated ways of the old thinking and asking myself what is it I think and feel? Where do I belong? I love going back to my home town and little village, I get a sense of nostalgia. Like when I go for a coffee at college, on my break and purposely walk the route of the joinery dept, the smell of wood and saw mills/dust takes me back to a memory of something solid. The smell of ..... truth is I don't know what! Home or strength, or man-made solid structure, father figure. Structure!!! Damn that is something I've lacked...... Solid Structure! Now as a parent, adult, mother and provider I can begin to ask myself what do I bring to my world in means of a solid structure? #the main thing is protection, protection from the world and things I endured growing up to the best of my ability and it not to support the problem together. But also to enforce the fact that individual growth is a beautiful thing and something to be encouraged not frown upon. Change I think is necessary for every child to bring about the crucial fundamentals of life. Something I feel alone in and as a 35 yrs old adult. I feel like I should understand this world much more than I do.. Am I alone in this or did I just miss apart of my 20's when everyone else realises hey wait a minute ! 

Anyway on to my landscape. 

What is it I'm actually creating or doing here? Well I guess for me its the turn around in the ways of the world I have endured. The female form as a landscape brings forward the true meaning of life itself, sex, passion and love of the landscape and world around me but also the vulnerability and expectations that are taken for granted in our everyday learning. For me, I want to expose myself to the world to gain my own strength back, to expose all that is of me and to not let it be taken from me.   Taken from me! Why do people think they can take something so pure and turn it into they own! For them only?  

This I give to you

I love how just a simple throw of filler gave me this . happy flaps lol

ran out of filler yet again but still need to cut and sculpt breast area for next built up area. 

See it, its all yours! happy now, of course your not cos you didn't take it......I guess my work is of mixed emotion. For those who tried to take from me what was special and in return clouded my judgement of the world. I give you this

My shadow just happened to be in correct place. little bit of my sad humour cos I found this slighty amusing 

In all I feel at one when out in nature, it helps me to understand my past present and future. I enjoy the cold frosty walks, to breath in the cold air and feel alive in the moment. contemplation. I feel at one with myself and nature and I get the same love and empowerment that I can relate to without the world critics having a look in. Wonderment at the natural beauty of the scenery, pure and humble and the fact it just is. Then the pureness of how we are and the fact we do take all this for granted. The lack of control we have when it comes to our own being or thoughts and how silent it all can be if you just live in the moment. 

As a child being told to shut up or be quiet sent me on a path of what did I do wrong and the lack of understanding. Your giving me a headache is another good one! Oh how I wished I realised then the great beauty in enjoying the silence, and how peaceful it can be. I guess a child just wants to play. Instead I learned to dwell on the disgraced looks and scowls and wonder of the reasoning of what I'd done to receive such disapproval. The same with every situation after that became a guessing game of what did I do to bring that about.  Even now my mother can cast a look and I'm taken down to a place thats never left me, dark and cold. 

The abuse as a teen I even couldn't get my head around and did believe I must of asked for the attention in some way or form. Never told any different until as an adult I began to question all the madness in my childhood/adolescence.  Men always seem to disappoint me, sooner or later it came out and trust tore apart.  Without sounding like a feminist or to judge all men (I now know a few good ones) the song he's got the whole world in HIS hands was exactly the what many men were liking themselves to. God like untouchable and able to cast down whatever mood they wanted. To take. Then the soft side of mother earth and all that stands for good, female and mothering seems to fit. I know now that it isn't the case and in fact many men and women can be victims but I guess I'm thinking back to a time my young mind remembers.

For me this is therapy, I enjoy the fact that art can have many forms and meanings that each individual views differently. I do think that once I have looked into an emotion or feeling of the past the feeling and burden of carrying the brunt of it kinda disappears or at least I get an understanding of it better. 

If I was to explain my way of thinking it would be the example of my aunts cancer and the fact I found it hard to accept and understand how people are chosen or selected with regards to cancer. I know its really a fact of mutation of cells and is probably a great and beautiful science in its self but that still wasn't enough. Why her? The fear of not knowing and the fact its all about cells and changes in the body is something that for me was hard to come to terms with, until I was on the beach and collecting mis-shapen stones for my enviroment topic. Maybe the stones were like us humans and we were just picked out as simply as that. It was easy picking stones for they unusual qualities and maybe god just chose people like that with regards to cancer. Sounds silly doesn't it but for me at the time it made sense and settled my mind.

I love the soft rolling hills in the distance below. Like the curves of a women. 

So this is where I now find my painting to a theme topic. Another deep and for me personal understanding of the world I find myself in at the moment. I look forward to letting all of these things disappear once I finish what I've started. To make room for a greater self and to continue to learn and ask and find. 

Little shocked by all this stuff and feel its all a little long-winded and deep but I guess this is just me. Do hope it makes sense