A PILE OF SHIT
Monday 23rd May I went into college intending to look at my portfolio.
From the last blog, Importance of Display I spoke about how I wasn't really happy with most of the work I had done. Mainly because it wasn't to a high finished standard. I really don't want to show my work that I feel shit about.
With this in mind I started a new mono-print in brown ink. I felt that by drawing some work in another colour other than black it may soften the overall look. I drew a hacksaw and was happy with it, however it still wasn't me.
Next (by chance) I looked at some old magazines that happened to be behind me. I pulled out a random page that happened to be a directory of a design-weekly book. I looked at some of the words and started to highlight words or images that I liked... I created mono-prints on some of them using the brown ink.
Words that stood out were
- copywriters
- duplication
- creative
- foil
- apple/mac
- dummy packaging
- printing
- visual
- impact
- process.
A few days before my mum had been taking into hospital with a mild stroke (my own biggest fear since seeing the disabling effects it had on another family member) My anxiety had been high most of the weekend (as well as looking after and seeing to the kids) I somehow made it through.
Here I was somehow switched off from everything else but what I was doing. Even though I wasn't sure what the hell I was doing. The fact I must of looked like a mad women sketching, cutting and sticking it all together. Great fun.
I wanted, No I needed to make something that was good enough to show. A book of something I wasn't sure...nor did I really care. I just wanted to switch off......I've talked/written a lot of feelings and honesty on this blogger site, about this course and my learning. my views or thoughts.... I've talked it seems A PILE OF SHIT......I've spoken about DADA and how pointless it was, how I couldn't connect of understand it. To the point I could of argued with anybody who said otherwise.
AND YET STANDING OVER MY WORK I HAD CREATED MY VERY OWN BLOODY MANIFESTO OF SORTS!
Standing back and looking over my work the signs of the past are there... My past and the vulnerable truths (exposure) the starting out, paths and questions, mental health, the sexual (mmm whatever that is...desires or empowerment not sure) the expressions. The word copy for me also linked the artist Picasso who I have been inspired by the most this year, He once said Good artists copy, great artists steal........ I'm no artist as such just yet, so I guess for now researching others is an important part of my learning. The blog on sexual identity and how others may struggle to "comeout" also came to mind when I read the words ....be modern.....I wrote next to it ....be gay.....as a lot of youths are more openly gay these days. Mental Health Awareness was another issue I looked at.
I've spent a lot of time in the past regretting some of the more drunken stories and things I'd done. Because of this I know too well the way I feel made me think that somehow I had to justify myself to others! This year at college has allowed me to change the view of myself and except and take on others views but also accept and open my eyes..... This was a massive learning curve for me! To have and give an opinion, to look at myself from different view points and let go.
The next few years for me are full of the unknown but I look forward to every minute. Already the way I view my world is so different from the tiny bubble I was in... after 33 years I can finally start to find me!
The word spark was another word I liked....I liked it because it made sense to me and my course this year. With a little effort and time the .....
smallest amount of quality can give the most intense feelings
Just like a spark.....
I copied my images (onto copier) and made them doubled sided. I will now put them into a binder ready for part of my end of work show.
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