At the start of this topic I found out I was pregnant, it was a shock and I didn't know what to feel. A mixture of emotions. The decision to keep or abort was something I didn't want to address and while I longed for change in my life, this change was massive. The father wasn't a close relationship and he told me he didn't or wouldn't support me through this. Frightened, alone and unsure the work I was creating became apart of me expressing my situation.
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| life drawing |
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| life drawing |
To abort - this is one of the hardest things I had to consider. Not only for my myself, but also for my family. Having 3 children already my time is pushed and trying to juggle time for everyone was a struggle already. The fact that I had postnatal depression with my last son made me worry that I would not cope if it happened again. I always said that I would like another little girl, but saying and doing were to different things. Now the saying be careful what you wish for. I think if the father was indeed happy my mind would have been more settled. Instead his words were " I can't believe this happened after JUST SOME SEX" just some sex these words haunted me, how could I have been so naive about what we had!
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| wear a fucking condom arsehole |
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| paper I made to print on later |
Moving on I kept working on my prints. This time I think a mix of annoyance at the way the man had used me, the way I'd been so fucking stupid to believe we had a connection in the first place and what was I feeling now came out.
I was lying in bed half asleep and I seen on my blind an image of a bull. I couldn't help this was relevant somehow to what I was feeling at the time. Its the first time I've really had a powerful encounter of this kind.
Meaning of minotaur (dream) -
A minotaur in your dream can mean you may be facing more challenges than usual and a trusted friend has no sympathy. They may even be happy at all your misfortune when you pour your heart to them. There also may be someone around you that takes great delight pointing out your mistakes and failings with never a nice word to say. Is this happening to you? This is soul destroying so you may need to weed out those who cause added negativity to your life.
The women I created from my life drawing blind drawings. I liked the strange detailed figures, ugly but somewhat welcoming. I could relate to these figures as I myself felt, ugly sad and drained.
I found myself changing lots of things and I guess I wanted to try and keep the feelings I was having. My work I feel comes from what is happening in my life. But life changes all the time and I guess its hard to keep the same pace with these things.
I wanted my final scene to be dark like the beast coming for the girls. A rape or attack of a dark side of the frustration I was feeling. To take it to another level and far away from the pregnancy stuff. but also the light coming in to protect them. to show the good and evil and the balance the two can have.
I looked at lots of prints and printmakers.
Picasso
Rembrandt
Goya
Emil Nolde
Edvard Munch
So my composition I felt was lacking and I began to add more natural figures of the girls. I did try also with making marks into the ink and printing. I wished I had more time to consider adding trees and depth. scale of the foreground and background as well as the figures.
overall I feel I've got to a point were I've learnt more techniques about etching then I had done before.
I'm happy with the final but if I had more time I definitely think I could have done so much better. composition etc
Various other prints I looked at
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