more ideas for my final - fine art

Firstly I'd like to add these ideas and memories are very honest and very true to life... Either my own life or close family and friends... Nothing is made up and I ask you not to judge as such, the reason I'm writing this is to make some topics less taboo but also to get them out of my own mind as a way to healing. ... Some things that happen have had a massive effect on the individuals involved. Many things that happened have changed not only the view and feelings towards a certain topic but also gave awareness to them as one or as a group/family.

Firstly I've started working on a board (8x4) in size and I feel that although it seemed big, its really very small when it comes to my ideas. I intend to stencil and stipple a carpet print from an old family photo of my living room.  The carpet was a similar print to the William Morris design Acanthus.

 

I will create a three layer stencil using the three main colours and then hand draw the stems of the leaves etc. I did fall in love months ago with the work of Morris and I do like how my memories of the past come up to meet my feelings of the now (future) I feel like by doing this I'm almost dragging the memories out of me instead of running or burying them.... Its fun and exhilarating, while with them being memories it almost seems surreal. (surreal being another reference to my learning)

So with the carpet pattern I have also asked the joiner to find me, either some old stairs or even parts from an old staircase... I would like to suspend this up at the top of my board, with the idea from the stories of my last blog ,(let me paint a picture) Sitting at the top of them as a child I viewed the adult world below. The torture of the wee dog, my slow chase up them from my dad haha.  The work by Do Ho Suh is something I would love to create. Trouble is I can hardly sew a button never mind a staircase...My stairs would be black and I thing a build up of self portraits in an dark etching style would be visible/peering down behind it.

I could however add some voile to my work to try and add a sense of this...

Anthony Green was another artist I find I can relate to with memories. The way he distorted his own works I think works great.



While I know my work with not be as detailed you can sense the idea.

Board 2

Another board I would paint brilliant white.. I want to give a clinical mood with this one. Because the subject matter does observe the treatment of actual patients, its the sensitive subject matter I feel needs some careful thought and love. Abortion or miscarriage.

If you as a women or as a partner have ever had to go through the loss of this you with know the difficulty all parties have to endure,  It hurts either way, wether its the decision to abort or the agony of miscarriage itself.

With abortion I know the sides are flipped and they is many a debate. I do think for me and my view on the world, it must be hard for the women that are indeed unsure of the right decision their about to walk into. I know while some people do abuse this system (and I'm not talking about them) the real truth of how and what a women goes through isn't as straight forward as taking a pill. As any gynecologist and I'm sure will agreed hand on heart.
The waking up in the night to a blood soaked and saturated bed. looking down in fear in the darkness and knowing something is wrong... feeling around for a light switch while the cold wetness sticks to you. in shock you run to the bathroom because you feel you have to sit down.... something is not right....you see the red the blood... please god no....as you sit on the toilet heart racing you feel something drop.....oh god.....my baby....not my baby .......... .......................
 your baby!

To have it in the bottom of the toilet, probably no bigger than a grape! to hear it go............what to do, panic sets in...the final heartbrake! do i flush it? my baby....

heart sinks. what, why, how.  was it something I did? Still covered in blood and beginning to feel numb... How do you tell your partner, your family......yourself.....

This is the real sense of this horror. Whether you lose a baby while shopping or walking or filling the bloody washing machine... It doesn't matter, the heart sinking feeling and torture is real. a horror in itself. People can say it must of been the right thing, it maybe had something wrong with it for it not to survive. Or it maybe wasn't the right time! its gods way.

I would like to have a toilet with blood-like colour in it, maybe a grape too... A picture in a gold frame showing the Madonna and child image. the red and gold and white the only colours, contrasting off each other.... I thought about a barb wire heart sitting on the toilet seat itself.  also a bin with a pregnancy test in it... I don't really know to be honest. I think less is more with this topic because anyone that has lived it will identify and go to the raw agony within seconds of realising what is happening there. The scene it not important.

Board 3 the here and now. All I've learnt, living, breathing and the now. The strength I feel, the excitement and love I'm beginning to see. I feel tall ha... sounds weird but a sense of pride comes from within me. Why, because I've been honest and determined to move forward. Even now I have let people go that I cared for, because they were holding me back. Like a puppet Ive cut my own strings. After my lets call it, my blue period (picasso) and the weight of being pulled under. The immediate changes I feel as I put my baggage down and walk away is amazing.  Stepping into the unknown with a stronger sense of self.

Why all of this? Well a painters eye wanted to keep the importance of the painting, while living in a technology advanced world.  How is an artist relevant. My work I want to have the connection of realism. To see and walk into it. If you were to see it on a screen it would look flat and uninteresting.  But to have the chance to look under the staircase or in the toilet... to feel a sense of a person and maybe relate. Some people cry at an artwork upon seeing it in real life. I did this with a Monet. My first reaction was stop... what will people think... I felt something in that moment.... I haven't been able to get back... technological advances I feel can describe my robotic mind and the quick way my feelings were shut down. Why should we as human beings, not express these emotions. we are not animals! We have been given a gift and way to express ourselves yet I sometimes walk around surrounded by people with the hearts of robots.  I am alone. I felt this in the museums and the city a few weeks ago.

HUMAN BEING - noun

A man, woman or child of the species Homo sapiens, distinguished from other animals by ....wait for it! Superior mental development, power of articulate speech, and upright stance.