deleted (f/a)

Didnt like it

It was wrong from the start....

William Morris - Childhood Carpet Print - Stencil thing!

Deleted.....

I've started again. Will do this image again but I really wasn't happy....

Glad I wasn't sentimental about it... Felt good to know I was doing what I felt was the correct thing! Feel already my piece will be stronger in the final stages for it.

painters eye (fine art)

What can I say took me couple of hours and a sore back later to create this play on words textile piece to add to my Fine Art project...... A Painters Eye. 

While it is textile it does show the relevance of an artist in the way the fabric looks when together... Composition, colour, texture etc. The typography itself has all been thought of.

 Could of did it on your mac, then do it!

 Kinda takes the fun and energy out of creating something though. 

Lets face this is why most of us students or artists decide to do this type of thing.

If I have to reference an artist for some extra points then Tracey Emin has done some work on fabric. (however, I really can't say I like her attitude much, but can now appreciate a little of the work that goes into her pieces!. Wasn't until I uploaded this image that I remembered her tent project and then it made me cringe....not a Tracey bloody Emin )

Me ha No...!

 Notice my little sun pattern in the i   ....reference to Gogh there! Genius moment!

more ideas for my final - fine art

Firstly I'd like to add these ideas and memories are very honest and very true to life... Either my own life or close family and friends... Nothing is made up and I ask you not to judge as such, the reason I'm writing this is to make some topics less taboo but also to get them out of my own mind as a way to healing. ... Some things that happen have had a massive effect on the individuals involved. Many things that happened have changed not only the view and feelings towards a certain topic but also gave awareness to them as one or as a group/family.

Firstly I've started working on a board (8x4) in size and I feel that although it seemed big, its really very small when it comes to my ideas. I intend to stencil and stipple a carpet print from an old family photo of my living room.  The carpet was a similar print to the William Morris design Acanthus.

 

I will create a three layer stencil using the three main colours and then hand draw the stems of the leaves etc. I did fall in love months ago with the work of Morris and I do like how my memories of the past come up to meet my feelings of the now (future) I feel like by doing this I'm almost dragging the memories out of me instead of running or burying them.... Its fun and exhilarating, while with them being memories it almost seems surreal. (surreal being another reference to my learning)

So with the carpet pattern I have also asked the joiner to find me, either some old stairs or even parts from an old staircase... I would like to suspend this up at the top of my board, with the idea from the stories of my last blog ,(let me paint a picture) Sitting at the top of them as a child I viewed the adult world below. The torture of the wee dog, my slow chase up them from my dad haha.  The work by Do Ho Suh is something I would love to create. Trouble is I can hardly sew a button never mind a staircase...My stairs would be black and I thing a build up of self portraits in an dark etching style would be visible/peering down behind it.

I could however add some voile to my work to try and add a sense of this...

Anthony Green was another artist I find I can relate to with memories. The way he distorted his own works I think works great.



While I know my work with not be as detailed you can sense the idea.

Board 2

Another board I would paint brilliant white.. I want to give a clinical mood with this one. Because the subject matter does observe the treatment of actual patients, its the sensitive subject matter I feel needs some careful thought and love. Abortion or miscarriage.

If you as a women or as a partner have ever had to go through the loss of this you with know the difficulty all parties have to endure,  It hurts either way, wether its the decision to abort or the agony of miscarriage itself.

With abortion I know the sides are flipped and they is many a debate. I do think for me and my view on the world, it must be hard for the women that are indeed unsure of the right decision their about to walk into. I know while some people do abuse this system (and I'm not talking about them) the real truth of how and what a women goes through isn't as straight forward as taking a pill. As any gynecologist and I'm sure will agreed hand on heart.
The waking up in the night to a blood soaked and saturated bed. looking down in fear in the darkness and knowing something is wrong... feeling around for a light switch while the cold wetness sticks to you. in shock you run to the bathroom because you feel you have to sit down.... something is not right....you see the red the blood... please god no....as you sit on the toilet heart racing you feel something drop.....oh god.....my baby....not my baby .......... .......................
 your baby!

To have it in the bottom of the toilet, probably no bigger than a grape! to hear it go............what to do, panic sets in...the final heartbrake! do i flush it? my baby....

heart sinks. what, why, how.  was it something I did? Still covered in blood and beginning to feel numb... How do you tell your partner, your family......yourself.....

This is the real sense of this horror. Whether you lose a baby while shopping or walking or filling the bloody washing machine... It doesn't matter, the heart sinking feeling and torture is real. a horror in itself. People can say it must of been the right thing, it maybe had something wrong with it for it not to survive. Or it maybe wasn't the right time! its gods way.

I would like to have a toilet with blood-like colour in it, maybe a grape too... A picture in a gold frame showing the Madonna and child image. the red and gold and white the only colours, contrasting off each other.... I thought about a barb wire heart sitting on the toilet seat itself.  also a bin with a pregnancy test in it... I don't really know to be honest. I think less is more with this topic because anyone that has lived it will identify and go to the raw agony within seconds of realising what is happening there. The scene it not important.

Board 3 the here and now. All I've learnt, living, breathing and the now. The strength I feel, the excitement and love I'm beginning to see. I feel tall ha... sounds weird but a sense of pride comes from within me. Why, because I've been honest and determined to move forward. Even now I have let people go that I cared for, because they were holding me back. Like a puppet Ive cut my own strings. After my lets call it, my blue period (picasso) and the weight of being pulled under. The immediate changes I feel as I put my baggage down and walk away is amazing.  Stepping into the unknown with a stronger sense of self.

Why all of this? Well a painters eye wanted to keep the importance of the painting, while living in a technology advanced world.  How is an artist relevant. My work I want to have the connection of realism. To see and walk into it. If you were to see it on a screen it would look flat and uninteresting.  But to have the chance to look under the staircase or in the toilet... to feel a sense of a person and maybe relate. Some people cry at an artwork upon seeing it in real life. I did this with a Monet. My first reaction was stop... what will people think... I felt something in that moment.... I haven't been able to get back... technological advances I feel can describe my robotic mind and the quick way my feelings were shut down. Why should we as human beings, not express these emotions. we are not animals! We have been given a gift and way to express ourselves yet I sometimes walk around surrounded by people with the hearts of robots.  I am alone. I felt this in the museums and the city a few weeks ago.

HUMAN BEING - noun

A man, woman or child of the species Homo sapiens, distinguished from other animals by ....wait for it! Superior mental development, power of articulate speech, and upright stance.

Let me paint a picture - Fine Art

Once upon a time, there was a girl,

Like all fairy stories I guess the tail begins with a girl. This story is the beginning of an understanding about myself, a look into behind the scene's of the person I seem to have found myself reviewing.. A happy accident it is not, I do wish that happy was what I found myself reviewing or for a better word reliving tonight. let me paint the picture for you.

Scene 1

So it all began a couple of days ago when I was getting ready. My daughter and I had spent a lovely day shopping at the weekend taking in the city and the world of the beauty dept stores. As fashion trends go, contouring and eye brows are big business these days. Once home the next day my daughter had asked to show me how contouring worked and I had hastily agreed. Bringing all her make-up down and pouring it over my bed, we laughed, made faces and had some happy moments.  I was actually surprised at how much of an illusion the make up gave, anyway....

Scene 2

(dark night bedroom scene) she woke to the cries of her son, going through to comfort him from his nightmare and ssh him back off to sleep, she returned back to her bedroom quietly knowing her mother was in her bed staying the night. She had earlier that day invited her mother to stay because she was in-between moving home and had thought that it be easier and kinda for her to have a comfy bed......"let me up for the toilet before you get back in"said the mother. Upon climbing back into bed she lashed out in disgust at finding something in the bed...snarling she said " the back off an earring" glaring at her daughter, she uttered the words its bloody disgusting! she looked at her findings and  the vulgarness came in way of  a fast sharp glare.

Shot down the girl, uttered it was probably from the daughter's make-up bag two days before. She had said that to combat a reaction a defence maybe but who cares as she lay in bed she began to feel saddness building up. She remembered the happy time her daughter and her had days before and then appeared the look again.  The evil look and glare kept entering her mind.. Taking with it any warmth. 

Scene 3

(silent thinking in the darkness) 

Thinking back to that days events, as the girl lay there she remembered the painting and drawing of feelings she had been doing at school that very day. Love, anger, excitement etc....If she could do them again now I wonder if they'd be the same marks made........Being shot down and angrily glared at gave her emotion.. The same feelings in class so surely the feelings of fear or anger would always play out the same way! Only this time it was now, breathing alive...smouldering away and it set off a chain of events in her mind. Why?

She thought she'd have to test the theory out again at school, only this time remembering events in they true form. What makes her feel so unworthy that sends her back into her self like a bad little girl.

Scene 4

(remembering childhood)

So it has to start somewhere, but when and how did this develop. Was I naughty?

Still laying thinking she recalls events of fear from the past. Many things surface and as tears fill up her eyes, she begins to tap into the darkness........ She would love to paint a surrealist hell, were the stories play out (she knows she could never do them justice tho) 

The  friend across the road - she looked like she needed a hair brush to be honest, messy hair, no shoes on and from memory of a 4 -5 years old a bit grubby. We played right outside our front doors on the patch of grass we called the green. We played or something it wasn't for long. Her dad had noticed and came out demanding her back in.... I remember the fear in her face, I think I remember knowing that tone also. The kind you wanna run from but it pins you down....panic..tense both our heads were down..we'd done wrong maybe but it was fun even then a connection was made..we were friends..Heads down I can kind of remember her feet. They were black, dirty. But what I do remember as we  lowered our heads in fear was thinking why did she have burned cigarette marks on them and her arms come to think of it? Her neck was marked too. As an adult I think they were bites like love bites. My heart aches for her as an adult but I think I sensed something then to. We used to smile at each other after that day when I was out playing.

or

I wish I was dead........... I remember shouting that at my dad once..... he chased me up the stairs! I ran as fast as my little legs could go because what had started out as quick word backlash then began as a slow pace oh shit moment that turned into a fight for survival.  I wet myself as he caught up with me.....I can't remember the rest.... but to fear enough to wet yourself must be real fear right? I wonder what mark (apart from a puddle) that would leave on paper.....

Trixie - the little yorkshire terrier, I think it maybe was my aunts dog then, but afterwards when to an older couple up the street. I remember they were kind. Me and my cousin stayed the night there one night and in the morning we ate porridge... It was thick and I think I didnt like it much.... Anyway Trixie had a longer tail because it hadn't been cut... The horror of what happened to her when for whatever reason Cammy brought her back haunts me still. She came in our house tail wagging happily but yelping.....I ran upstairs in tears and in fear as my young self didn't know exactly what had happened. It wasn't until the screams of the women told me it wasn't good. As I sat looking down through the banister I could see the dog running around blood splashing with the shake of its tail...tears a lot of tears I cried that day. I remember Cammy (don't think that was his name but he was a bastard, one of my dads friends so it says everything) shouting "well she looked stupid with a longer tail."....I think they told me she had jammed it in the door....bullshit!! Children have ears and guys like Cammy like to talk...

I remember sadness to, real heartache. My friend Andrew Sutcliffe dying after playing chicken on the main road. I remember he'd been playing with the bad boy who would always get into trouble. He was a bad boy him. I do think my little heart broke a bit that day and the days to follow.

So what now,  What do I do to rid myself of these memories and how can I use them for my work.

My mother - if I could paint a painting of that belittling glare,  I'd probably end up burning it afterwards so she can't infect anyone else. Or play it back to her! I don't really know what to say regarding that! Truth is I wasn't a bad kid and I ain't a bad kid now. I'm a good person and that won't change. But life is a stage they say. What goes on behind the scenes shouldn't be overlooked.

I have many stories, stories of being belittled, shot down... am sure we all have if we choose to remember them. In the grand scale of things I don't think I had it too bad growing up.. if you think of my friend I talked about etc or even just pick up a newspaper today! While I may not remember many happy memories from my past I can change how I view the world and how its
 written.  It started with me and it can only end with me... It is after all my life, my stage! (How I treat my children will also be reviewed upon this. I think if anything I'm to bloody soft!)

Scene 5

She passes her exams after all this heaviness and goes on to become more than she even thought possible.

Living within herself happily ever after....( prince charming wouldn't go a miss either.)

THE END

I'M ALSO PLANNING TO LOOK INTO OTHER ARTIST'S THAT HAVE USED EXPRESSIVE WORDS TO CREATE THE TRUE NATURE OF A SCENE. 

Day Out EDINBURGH

SO I TOOK A TRIP TO EDINBURGH TODAY.

Looking back at my day I feel while I enjoyed my visit to the galleries I didn't have the same emotional connection I'd felt on previous visits.

National Gallery

Waller Hugh Paton



This was the first picture that I felt worthy of being written in my notebook of specials. I love how detailed and lifelike the image was.. The highlights of the horizon was something else to.

I also noticed that many of the artists this time around I'd never heard of many of them.



The above by Francois Baron Gerard had me mesmerised at the detail and workmanship that must of when into the work. Beautiful

Giovanni Tiepolo - The Meeting of Anthony and Cleopatra (About 1747)

What girl wouldn't want to be an Egyptian goddess





Cezanne The Big Trees

Maybe a style of early cubism here and I like this way of painting... I would like to be able to work in a similar style


I like the movement he's created. It felt unusual to me.

Next to the Cezanne was Van Gogh's Olive Trees which I wrote at the time made me feel sickly.




Edouard Vuillard

Again usual style that I feel was genius and the marks he only suggests parts of the whole . Loved it.
I wrote, The open window, light effects colour and idea or a mark.



Alexandre Calame




The detail in the rocks again were so real.

Thomas Fearnley



Sebastiano Ricci

Christ leading the Blind - Beautiful



Jean Greuze

Boy with lesson book



El Greco

Saviour of the world



I also looked at work by Ian Fleming (etching and drypoint) Which I thought I would look into later on.

Things I wrote down - sought to go beyond the world of visible reality... Think this was about surrealism and the Dali, exploding head. I liked the description and thought about using it on my work or essay.

Next I went to the modern galleries. I was left a little disappointed at this one.

I didn't like the works by Karla Black or Kishio Suga

I get the fact that the works were in a space and demanding the area or your attention. I also understand that a work doesn't have to mean anything and stuff. An idea or thought can product enough or an emotion as much as a work. But well I didn't like and that's ok too.

Karla's work was a combination of cellophane, sellotape, cotton-wool, talc, eye shadow, ribbon and stuff. Interestingly, the cellulose plastics come from the same cotton-seed as the cotton-wool comes from.

Kishio Suga

The portrait Gallery was the hidden gem for me. The building and architecture were enough alone to attract my attention.

Diego Aznar Insomnia

ken currie

silence Bo Wang

willian neukomm

Fiona Graham-Mackay

Some photos I took as I walked.. Things I thought at the time of interest to myself.