you, me and the tree

Mixed media -

objects are material and metaphor


The idea for the tree came to me naturally. Lately for many months, I've been struggling again with my mental health. I walk my dogs daily around the local forests and often admire the old fallen down and rotten pieces of trees around. In many ways I feel a connection to them in the sense of the abandonment and the way the natural elements have taken over the trunk and have left their mark.

I sometimes also feel that my mind is rotten and has left me open to the elements. Alone afraid and rotting in my own self pity or grey area between wellness and insanity. The physical symptoms that come from panic and fear being present and then trying to tell yourself its just part of the cause and effect. Its not worth the worry and is exhausting.

 Have you ever been walking forward in the wind, pushing and pushing against it, That is sometimes the way I feel, like I've been walking against a gale.   However, with my mental health the more I face it and try to find a way to walk along with it the easier it is and less power it has.  (what I mean is that if you walk sideways against the wind, you are giving the wind less of an area to push against, if you walk face on the surface area is bigger and takes more mass and energy). I had to test these simple things on my walk over fields one day.) lesson learnt. Don't fight what you can't change, work with it and enjoy the journey.

I have also been looking into philosophy and have found many things I connect with. Natural fundamentals of reality, and existence. I have looked at many areas of psychology also, as you can maybe see in other blogs I've wrote. Truth is my mind is full of wanting input, but I also find it hard to take it in as it can be overwhelming at times. Anyway back to my tree mixed media project!!

The tree I want to build up from the core to the outer bark, using a selection of wood I find on my walks. I do like to collect things of interest to me like an unusual patterned bark, or anything really that jumps out at me. (pottery from rivers, rusty pieves of metal, bricks) I don't think I come across these finds by chance, I believe their purpose will either come to me further down the line and if not in the short term then I appreciate that it was significant to me at the time. Does it actually have to have a meaning ?????

 life goes on after the main source has gone

I'd like to reference the blog regarding the consider death at this point too as it all makes a part in my work.


Putting yourself back together. Thats what we do isn't it. pull yourself together is a good saying, but what the hell is that of any use. or get a grip is another :) I think these are unhelpful sayings and I think we should acknowledge the happenings we find ourself in. I do hope this is making sense as I know my mind is kinda everywhere at the moment. Manic in a sense.

So long story short, I'm gonna build a tree from the different pieces of trees! A tree that looks like a tree but is different or scarred, etched into and pieced together,. But giving the rotten bark a different togetherness. Nothing will change for it, it will still die and maybe be home to some insects but for now (like myself)  purposeful, defiant and important to the small minority that knows of it or sees the beauty in the indifference.

The social psychology has made me think of the ways we behave in the presence of others, and to look at the conditions under which certain behavior/actions and feelings occur. I feel ashamed a lot of the time, not good enough and ugly. But who am I compairing myself too?

Social psychology is to do with the way these feelings, thoughts, beliefs, intentions and goals are constructed and how such psychological factors, in turn, influence our interactions with others.

Funny how mental illness is now popular to the everyday people. The only people who don't want a condition is the ones who actual have the real thing. I do think society and the everyday unrealistic pressures we put on each other have contributed to this. My walks are the escape for me. Back to nature and the part of me that I had lost for some time. How did we get so far away from being naturally grounded. even now I sit surfing the so called web. Another thing like mobile phones and money that has taken over our instinctual being.

I could go on and on but I think I've wrote enough for now.